Panic.

Everyone taking advantage of the hysteria/panic/confusion to wrest more power from anyone else… why don’t I do it too? REMEMBER: the shift in consciousness is within me, not out there. My peace is mine, first and foremost. It’s been getting harder and harder to remember that, these days… God forbid I lose my comfort!

A deleted response in an Anarchy chat.

Governments suck. For the most part it’s run by power hungry, ego-driven sociopaths. I get it. But we’re living in a certain world right now and we have to start where we’re at, which is why my anti-establishment friends get upset when I say I like Bernie Sanders. In this context, the conversation was exploring how all political elections are simply theater, no matter the candidate, he/she had to be ‘vetted’ to get that far in the game. Here’s my deleted response: I hear you, but as someone having a baby in Argentina right now because I can’t afford it and never planned for it in my home country, I can’t help but admit that I’m an eager member of the audience in this theatre. It’s not pure theatre all over the world–in some places there are actually real discussions happening–and nor has it always been theatre here. The state sucks but it’s what we’re working with right now while the common consciousness shifts. Not that I’m the optimal contributor to society in the US, but I don’t cause problems, take money from the state, or even cost the state money because most the time I’m abroad not using its roads. I hold my own. The fact that I can’t afford to have my child there (with a foreign mother), because I’ve never valued the whole US individualistic capitalist lifestyle past what I needed to live, is a bit concerning to me. I know there are plenty of arguments against being “ill-prepared” for such a thing, but I’ve spent enough time in other parts of the world to share the perspective that no one should have to stress out just because they’re going to have a child. Or feel sick without knowing why. What the fuck else is having a state for if not to help support standard human shit for? And thus, the dialectic makes sense to me when I listen to Bernie. There is actually a problem and I am actually hearing a proposed solution. 

Try-ing Thymes

Last night I was laying in bed pondering the times when I realized that there was a reality outside trying to get in. That reality was the real-ity, which made me realize that I’d been choosing to exist in a different one for the last… week? Two weeks? It’s been a shit-show nightmare for those like me who have been paranoid about something like this for the last decade… and now that it’s arrived, I’m the one who has nothing prepared. I’m the one about to bring a child into the world, paying rent in a duplex in south America, unknowing if the borders will ever re-open or if this authoritarian sunrise will continue to see the light of day. Yet amidst all that my bank account is somehow higher than it’s ever been, I’ve got a woman at my side who loves me more than I knew was possible, and that love between us is bringing new life into this world very, very soon. Not to mention that I spend my days only working on projects I choose to work on, and I feel closer to being financed for some dream projects than I’ve ever felt. Could this all be a test, just a chance to test the scope of my chosen realm of existence? It’s all unbelievably simple when we boil away the extracurriculars. I am me, I only have control over me, and that is that. I’ve spent the last decade roaming around free as a bird on the outside, caged as a different kind of bird on the inside. Somehow I have opened up on the inside as a new kind of cage begins to shape itself on the outside. Governments be damned. Exaggerated “pandemics” be damned. Media hysterics be damned. I’ll be here, with myself, my love and my new family, and I’ll find the pleasure, solace, and excitement from this new world. Satnam. The truth is me.

re: covid-19

A lot of my writing in recent years has come from innocent provocation in an e-mail, Reddit thread, or Telegram chat room. I write out a wall of text only to delete it, or un-send it, because of the context of the conversation. Here is one such segment. re: covid 19… I’ve seen evidence saying the same about the genetic engineering. I don’t disbelieve it, but I have also heard experts explain how it came from the Chinese eating bats sold in a certain marketplace with every animal imaginable being sold, germs everywhere, mutating from species to species, etc. I’ve also read how it was circulating long before December, but there was nothing “special” about it because the majority of people just recovered like they would a normal flu. I have heard SOOOO MUCH conflicting information that I’m ready to get rid of all my social media. It’s stressing me out because for some reason, I feel like I need to know the truth? I’ve come across groups from all paths seeking for more truth on what’s going on: if the media is truly blowing this out of proportion to create a hysteria that leads to martial law; if this is indeed something to seriously be concerned about from a health perspective; if we’re being told the truth about where it comes from; if the hysteria and paranoia is more dangerous than the disease itself; et cetera et cetera. At the end of the day, I remain a storyteller. I love seeing all the different possible stories, angles and theories and as long as the information is available (and accurate), I think people should make their own informed decisions. What a CHALLENGE that is in today’s world, yikes. It’s a clusterfuck of information out there for someone like me and I’ve had to just hang onto the bits that make the most sense to me and just try to stay hygienic and remember to breathe well. Be it through the elections or the pandemic, all this energy going towards *hoping* someone else will *fix* things has just gotten to be too much for me. It’s much easier to just get to work on the solutions I can personally contribute to the whole fiasco that is our world. At the end of the day, there’s not much else I can do.

And So We Blog

I’m writing again. A return to who I once was, before I decided to try to be a social entpreneur-ing filmmaker and dedicated my creative energy elsewhere. It’s been a long ride from age 26 until now, 32, but now that life is slowing down a bit I am happy to bring my mind to text once again. Welcome.

For My Baby Boy

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, that I can do my best to apply to myself, so I can thus offer it to my son, it’s to bring him into a world of peace. An environment lacking the human chaos created by a father lost in the infinite swirls of being, teetering on the finite, remembering and forgetting, not proving much to material society in the process… Aquiles, you won’t be my reason for being, but perhaps you’ll be my being for reason. You will experience the love that comes from a man who has finally realized that life does not require a reason for being. Forget the business. Forget the art. Forget the music. Forget the service. Forget the diet. Forget the morals. I want to be at peace. For my baby boy.